As some of you may have heard, I walked away from University of Phoenix and the corporate high-wire act last month on August 20th, 2013. I have laced my combat boots, stocked my armory and my tank is overflowing with Octane Boost 3000. Don't fret, my siblings, Goddess Norah is going to teach 'em a thing or two before we are through.
Over the years, I have documented some of my personal struggles and triumphs here. Although you readers are a treasured few, I have always treated this space as a living autobiography. Usually, the primary benefactor is myself as I have frequently looked back to these pages to remind myself of my progress.
I have always been a fairly shy person, likely due to some clinically traumatic experiences I endured during adolescence. I have talked the talk for many years, trying to lead by example in an attempt to explain my passion. In the process, I have found myself crying in the presence of strangers many times, often behind closed doors and too many times with my superiors, managing to divulge some gruesome nugget from my past. All this only to become disgusted with myself later on because it invited pity instead of the intended respect.
Now I understand that those people were not my target audience, but rather, unwilling guinea pigs. Moreover, I was not really ready to tell my story, did not yet have the courage to be myself and realize my power. As my fantasy is now quickly becoming reality, I thought it equally important to embrace my desire to be open to the world.
Uncensored, Unflinching and Unafraid to tell it like it is and speak my mind! Any who follow: Be warned... YOU may not be ready to receive.
In light of that announcement.... Here is a story idea I came up with today:
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Article Subject: The Enduring Nature of Weird
Current Heroes: Mick Foley, Hunter S. Thompson, Bill Murray, Ozzy Osbourne, Andy Kaufman, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Carl Sagan, George Carlin
Current: Changing times, Smart is Sexy, Creative = Smart
Historical Heroes: Hercules, Robin Hood
Fictional vs. Factual : Difference between historical and current heroes, or are they?
What makes something Weird? (Definition, Description of Feeling, etc.)
How does the Brain perceive Weird?
Weirdness scale? (As the observed behavior deviates from the established norm, the level of weirdness increases)
Is there a ceiling to weird? What does it become or branch to? Obscene, Offensive, Disgusting,
Maybe this is best described as an infographic.... Maybe I should blog using only infographics from now on.... ok, now I am just rambling to myself....
Hmmm... this could even be a post... on a post-it or a piece of paper.... oooo.... I could write all of this out on a piece of paper.... then take a picture.... no, no, then they will see that I obviously wrote it first on the screen... no biggie... I'll just... wait... don't tell them.... they are watching now.... just act.... stop typing... what are you doing? Oh no, I'm stuck, I can't continue any thought without typing it first.... lolz... jk... okies... going now!
Update (12/21/13): I opened comments on this article. Sorry, I missed this one.
1/9/13
My Whole House Journey to Health
I recently emailed an inspiration in the health food industry and thought I would re-post here:
Stay tuned for some kitten photos!
Dear Dr Pierson,
I have been threatening to switch my cats to homemade cat food for about 2 years now. However, initially reading your website, and others near the beginning of my inquiry, I was intimidated by the amount of warnings and specific formulations. Now, I am revisiting the idea and find myself renewed and inspired by your website. I think, mostly, because we have transitioned to a primarily home made human food diet within the last year.
My husband and I have lost at least 50 lbs, combined, on our journey and are en-route to obtain our healthy goals weights within the next year. We had always prided ourselves on our culinary aptitude. However, still were victims of the convenience of processed food. For health, monetary savings and impending economic doom, not only are we making almost all of our baked goods from scratch, we now also make at least half of our condiments and sauces, like mayo, soup and stir fry bases. (I am still in the process of running out of some others, like ketchup and mustard to have an excuse to make them from scratch, as well). Also, recently, finally purchased a small food processor and blender. Where I always had my 500W Professional KitchenAid mixer, and was practiced in the art of desert loafs, muffins, pastries, cookies, batters, meringues and whipped cream, I had only used the included grinder once years ago when on a weight watcher diet and ground some turkey and salmon for alternative burgers.
Now, I am constantly satisfying a increased need for "from scratch" recipes for everything under the sun and found ways to be creative and innovative with the tools at hand. For instance, I have always enjoyed a good smoothie or juice, but never had the ability to make it at home. Now, I juice with the food processor and flour sack cloth and blend my own fresh smoothies with as much or more variety than can be found at the local juice bar. I hope to continue with next major appliance purchases:
Pinterest - DIY = Prepping
It is with this new venture and the fact that my cats ran out of food today (yes, it is dry food. I am now more driven since reading your page again to switch). My first 2 attempts, cooking the food because I am not sure as to the safety and some of the meat was frozen, tonight were somewhat turned away, but valiant efforts are appreciated as the screaming for food has temporarily abated. I am confident that with a quick trip to the store tomorrow to pick up the items from your recipe and few transition items like a couple cans of food (which I know they will eat, thankfully) and tuna (one of mine dies of anticipation when cans are opened in the house), I am on my way to healthier cats, which have been gaining weight since becoming indoor only (apartment living vs house, prior).
Long story short, thank you for your persistence and updates over the years on your website. Your diligence has lent to my decision to go natural and release my feline's inner carnivore!
Stay tuned for some kitten photos!
10/28/10
The only true constant is Change
Everything in this universe changes, including ourselves. We strive for stability with every step by obtaining new income, relationships, items. However, ultimately, we are always in flux. Even the reasons we use to justify our choices are faulty. For instance, let's say you decide to buy a new car because your current vehicle's maintenance costs are high and gas mileage is poor. Using your rational decision making process via research and review, you find a new vehicle that serves your needs and has a lower cost of ownership. In fact, you discover that your accumulated savings for the next year would mean you could go on that cruise you have been talking about going on for a few years. Well, a lot of things can happen in a year and your environment can change easily. The trick is to allow this change. Don't give up on your dreams and goals, just allow them to change.
Recently, I was reminded of this when I discovered I had a blood clot in my left calf. Faced with a potentially serious medical condition, I scaled back on other areas in my life. I took a day off work to rest, started medication therapy and stepped back from school for a couple weeks. I still feel the result has been positive. My health has dramatically improved as I no longer am now able to walk, stand and sit for extended periods of time without pain and I have also quit smoking tobacco. Missing school has also made a positive impact even though I have been academically suspended for a year. It has forced me to step back and re-evaluate my goals and options. I now realize that an MBA, though a masters level degree, does not contain the curriculum I am most interested. In a previous post, I mentioned my plans which included a PHD in Human and Social Dimensions of Science and Technology. Well, guess what?! I just recently discovered there is a Masters level Human Dynamics program available! The courses are completely different from the MBA. Long story short, I am glad that I am being forced to take this time to re-evaluate my goals. A lot has happened over the last year and what I need now is to take care of my body and finances. So, I am happy to take a year to do so.
Change will and does happen. We just need to learn to embrace it.
Recently, I was reminded of this when I discovered I had a blood clot in my left calf. Faced with a potentially serious medical condition, I scaled back on other areas in my life. I took a day off work to rest, started medication therapy and stepped back from school for a couple weeks. I still feel the result has been positive. My health has dramatically improved as I no longer am now able to walk, stand and sit for extended periods of time without pain and I have also quit smoking tobacco. Missing school has also made a positive impact even though I have been academically suspended for a year. It has forced me to step back and re-evaluate my goals and options. I now realize that an MBA, though a masters level degree, does not contain the curriculum I am most interested. In a previous post, I mentioned my plans which included a PHD in Human and Social Dimensions of Science and Technology. Well, guess what?! I just recently discovered there is a Masters level Human Dynamics program available! The courses are completely different from the MBA. Long story short, I am glad that I am being forced to take this time to re-evaluate my goals. A lot has happened over the last year and what I need now is to take care of my body and finances. So, I am happy to take a year to do so.
Change will and does happen. We just need to learn to embrace it.
6/19/10
My life with Smartphones just got exciting
NOTE: This is a comment response to a post on Geek News Central.
Ditto. I love my HTC Evo!
I started in the Smartphone world back with the Palm Treo 650 running Palm OS ($449 on Verizon in 2003).
Then, moved to the Palm Treo 700w ($499 on Verizon in 2006) as the first Windows Mobile OS running on a Palm hardware. It was a major improvement, but soon realized that I had to factory reset the thing every three months, just like Windows XP! :)
Next, I moved to the HTC Mogul ($0 trade w/ friend on Sprint in 2009), another Windows Mobile device. However, it had much better hardware, so enjoyed the significant increase in performance, screen space, gps and better camera.
So, it should be apparent at this point, that I prefer smartphones. However, I don't change phones but every 3 years or so. I almost bought the palm pre and was very exited about the Web OS because I always like the shine of palm harware and loved the prospect of merging my social network contact lists and the cloud computing concept of the platform. Unfortunately, I lost my job right before it was release and fortunately, did not purchase the device as it was realized shortly that the performance was lacking when running intensive apps. So, I went on a quest for a new smartphone. I was sick of the Windows Mobile platform. I had hacked it to improve performance and realized that no matter how hard I tried I would always be faced with the Windows experience of having to factory reset every few months to clean out the bugs and improve performance. I had been following the Google Android OS since it's first announcement, but was hesitant. I wanted to wait until the platform matured, stabilized within the market and had a larger app community.
I have had experience with a capacitive screen and on device app marketplace with my ipod touch. However, did not want an iPhone for many reasons, AT&Ts substandard service to be the largest. I prefer the Verizon network. However, Sprint is almost as good and much less expensive than Verizon.
Not only was the device reasonably priced at $199, but it also has some great hardware features that I was attracted to: slim design, large capacitive screen, 8 MP camera (better than my pocket camera at 6 MP). But what I was really exited about is getting a Mobile OS platform that actually worked and served my needs. I purchased my HTC Evo from a local Radio Shack, which offered an instant $100 rebate as opposed to mail in at Sprint, on June 4th. I had always avoided purchasing a device ON release day, so was a bit nervous about jumping into the fire. I did spend about 2 hours waiting for the device to become fully provisioned. But, was immediately impressed and felt like I had just made the biggest, best purchase decision in a long while.
That night, I drove to a heavy metal venue called the Drunken Lass in Prescott, AZ (about 2 hrs from Phoenix, AZ). I was hoping to use the Qik video streaming service that night for the show. Unfortunately, probably due to the high volume of new devices, the service was not available until the next day.
I have since found the device to be more of a resource and tool than just another smartphone device. I am able to access information quickly and reliably with the Android integrated searches, find and install apps from the Android Marketplace quickly and link my multiple google accounts (to include a couple google apps for domains), facebook and twitter contacts. I am in cloud computing heaven!
So, long story short, I am officially an Android fan-girl!
Check out these podcasts and useful Android websites:
Podcasts:
Android and Me Podast
Android Central Podcast
Phandroid Podcast
CNET's Android Atlas Podcast
Android Guys Podcast
Community:
Android Community
Android Developer Community
Talk Android
Sprint Android Community
Android Guys
Hello Android
Ditto. I love my HTC Evo!
I started in the Smartphone world back with the Palm Treo 650 running Palm OS ($449 on Verizon in 2003).
Then, moved to the Palm Treo 700w ($499 on Verizon in 2006) as the first Windows Mobile OS running on a Palm hardware. It was a major improvement, but soon realized that I had to factory reset the thing every three months, just like Windows XP! :)
Next, I moved to the HTC Mogul ($0 trade w/ friend on Sprint in 2009), another Windows Mobile device. However, it had much better hardware, so enjoyed the significant increase in performance, screen space, gps and better camera.
So, it should be apparent at this point, that I prefer smartphones. However, I don't change phones but every 3 years or so. I almost bought the palm pre and was very exited about the Web OS because I always like the shine of palm harware and loved the prospect of merging my social network contact lists and the cloud computing concept of the platform. Unfortunately, I lost my job right before it was release and fortunately, did not purchase the device as it was realized shortly that the performance was lacking when running intensive apps. So, I went on a quest for a new smartphone. I was sick of the Windows Mobile platform. I had hacked it to improve performance and realized that no matter how hard I tried I would always be faced with the Windows experience of having to factory reset every few months to clean out the bugs and improve performance. I had been following the Google Android OS since it's first announcement, but was hesitant. I wanted to wait until the platform matured, stabilized within the market and had a larger app community.
I have had experience with a capacitive screen and on device app marketplace with my ipod touch. However, did not want an iPhone for many reasons, AT&Ts substandard service to be the largest. I prefer the Verizon network. However, Sprint is almost as good and much less expensive than Verizon.
Enter the HTC Evo!
That night, I drove to a heavy metal venue called the Drunken Lass in Prescott, AZ (about 2 hrs from Phoenix, AZ). I was hoping to use the Qik video streaming service that night for the show. Unfortunately, probably due to the high volume of new devices, the service was not available until the next day.
I have since found the device to be more of a resource and tool than just another smartphone device. I am able to access information quickly and reliably with the Android integrated searches, find and install apps from the Android Marketplace quickly and link my multiple google accounts (to include a couple google apps for domains), facebook and twitter contacts. I am in cloud computing heaven!
So, long story short, I am officially an Android fan-girl!
Check out these podcasts and useful Android websites:
Podcasts:
Android and Me Podast
Android Central Podcast
Phandroid Podcast
CNET's Android Atlas Podcast
Android Guys Podcast
Community:
Android Community
Android Developer Community
Talk Android
Sprint Android Community
Android Guys
Hello Android
4/6/10
Metal for Charity: Future for the Music Industry
Check out how Todd Murdock & Gina M Love from Murdock's Trinity Records & Promotions are changing the music industry! Their innovative model takes advantage of new media in a way that traditional major record labels and broadcast channels have continued to ignore.
Related News:
How Are Record Labels Handling Business Amidst The Download Free-for-All?
Related News:
How Are Record Labels Handling Business Amidst The Download Free-for-All?
They have built a Dy-Na-MITE! team that will be sure to shake the boat and ruffle some feathers:
From Bio on his website:
"Producer/engineer Michael Beck started as a musician(singer).He has toured extensively throughout the U.S with bands such as Candlebox, CheapTrick, BadBrains, Prong, 311, Stabbing Westward, Overkill, Obituary, No Doubt, UFO,& many more.This touring came as result of several different indie & major label deals....He was Local Music Director for the Phoenix based alternative rock station"The Edge" for 3 years & is currently on air at rock station 93.3 KDKB. He has worked as A&R for Warner Bros.Records & Hollywood Music. He is the owner SoundVision Recording & has produced & engineered everything from local demos to national & international releases."
From Rock Along's About page
"We are a local Arizona company that supports the local music scene in a variety of ways. We coordinate concerts at local venues to give small local bands the chance to perform and grow their fan base. We support all things music and art related in AZ!"
Related News:
Steve Bartolone from Online Music TV sensation Hollywood Music (sponsor of the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival , Vans Warped Tour)Related News:
Mike "Jesus" Cross , J "Woden Thundergod" Lane , Jason "Thor Shreddington" Stein, Nate "The Naked Drummer" Oliver from Thrash Metal Phoenix, AZ sensation Losing GodRelated News:
Losing God, Local AZ Band
Lopsided World of L on 98KUPDFrom info Tab on Facebook page:
Related News:"Radio show filled with brand new and past gems, rock, metal, goth, pop and hip hop....
host of the show: Jonathan L
info:
JONATHAN L, former Alternative KUKQ-AM PD and one of the pioneers of the format, returns to the airwaves at 98 KUPD with a specialized 3-hour weekly show called "THE LOPSIDED WORLD OF L,". It's a mixture of Alternative and Rock from the past and present ."
Jonathan L's "LOPSIDED WORLD OF L" PLAYLISTS (Friday, Apr 3, 2010, Saturday, Apr 4, 2010) - Losing God was played!
From Facebook Info Tab:
"Octave Radio is a high-energy arts and entertainment radio talk show highlighting local artists and culture in the Valley. The show airs live every Thursday night from 7pm-8pm on KWSS 106.7 ... Local artists, entrepreneurs, community organizations, Culture, Radio Radio Radio"
Todd Murdock's Trinity Records & Thrash Metal band 'Losing God'
I am positive Trinity Records' network will continue to grow rapidly. This small cross-section of individuals will go down in history as those who helped the revolution begin!
4/2/10
Lifelong Student & Mentor
I have recently fully realized the main purpose this particular instance of my life on this earth.....
Pretty, big, thing to realize, right?
Well, here it is: I am to forever be a Student & Mentor. I have always had the thirst for knowledge and the natural inclination to console and assist others. Anyone who knows me, would most likely agree that I am a natural leader and organizer, though would equally be surprised that I would make such a bold statement.
Some good sense adages come to mind...
To illustrate by example of my adult education timeline...
2003-2006
2009-2012
1997-2004 - Odd Jobs
2004-2006 - Tech Support
2006-2009 - Programmer
2009-EOL (End of Lifetime) - Entrepreneur, Business Owner, Activist, Thinker, Leader, Visionary & Mentor/Instructor
Wow, that is a big jump in aspirations! Eureka!
All the while, I am racking up the school loan bill. Without fear, mind you. Because I trust that when the time is right, the fruit of my efforts will reap its rewards. Honestly, I envision that the bill will be paid down before I have completed my education.
So, here we go world. Are you ready?
Pretty, big, thing to realize, right?
Well, here it is: I am to forever be a Student & Mentor. I have always had the thirst for knowledge and the natural inclination to console and assist others. Anyone who knows me, would most likely agree that I am a natural leader and organizer, though would equally be surprised that I would make such a bold statement.
Some good sense adages come to mind...
- "You will attract more bees with honey than vinegar"
- "Treat other as ye wilst be treated" aka The Golden Rule
- The Law of Attraction
- Ask for help. Be sure to express your need. But, do not demand or threaten.
- Believe that people want to do the right thing.
- Be a cheerleader! Encourage others that they have the power.
- Help others often. Be careful not to stretch yourself too thin.
- Receive graciously and gracefully. Appreciation goes a long way.
To illustrate by example of my adult education timeline...
2003-2006
BS in Net Tech
Collins College
2009-2012
MBA in IT, Management & Marketing @ WIU2012-2015 (May start sooner and be concurrent with MBA)
PhD in Human and Social Dimensions of Science and Technology @ ASUCareer timeline...
1997-2004 - Odd Jobs
2004-2006 - Tech Support
2006-2009 - Programmer
2009-EOL (End of Lifetime) - Entrepreneur, Business Owner, Activist, Thinker, Leader, Visionary & Mentor/Instructor
Wow, that is a big jump in aspirations! Eureka!
All the while, I am racking up the school loan bill. Without fear, mind you. Because I trust that when the time is right, the fruit of my efforts will reap its rewards. Honestly, I envision that the bill will be paid down before I have completed my education.
So, here we go world. Are you ready?
1/31/09
Most Dreams....
Most Dreams fade away by the time I have finished my morning sabbatical. However, every once in a while, the dream is so consistent in theme, so vivid, so emotional, that it sticks with me much longer. Even becomes a memory, of sorts.
Last night, I had a series of dreams that explored my psyche and allowed me to express my deep emotions on a level that I haven't felt in a while. Most days I am busy being the "rock", the shoulder to cry on, the mediator & negotiator. So, it is no wonder that the deep passion that I feel about life and relationships tends to come out with such explosive force. I have become quite apt in analyzing my dreams. It isn't the individual events that occur and the minute details of the environment, but rather the emotional tout that is most important. The particular feelings that one experiences in a dream is the real "meaning" of it all.
In my case, I am struggling with a conflict: I am proud of my beauty, inside & out. However, I am distraught that somehow I am plagued with being undesired, unwanted and not worthy to be loved. At least not in the way I love. I love deeply and passionately. I give my whole self and expect the same in return. However, those I have chose in the past have either been unable or unwilling to give themselves to me completely.
There are other themes within my dreams.
I have great aspirations. I aim to save the world one magnificent act at a time and do not seek praise, but rather recognition that the act occurred. In a way that empowers others to save the world as well. So, I seek to be a humble hero with the freedom to do great things with the ultimate goal to inspire others to become heroes in their own right. Now, this translates from a fantastical, magical world in my dreams to real life where I desire to make a real difference. However, I have not yet found a the opportunity in real life to act out these worldly ideas. I expect that day to come soon and will most likely present itself as an impact on a smaller scale, yet colossal in emotional importance.
There is a third subject that is common in my dreams and presented itself again. The feeling of loss, the fear of being without ability to go where I wish. The dream is usually about my car. Either the lack of one, being in the shop or whatever. Or something is physically impossible about the vehicle which prevents me from driving it. So, I translate this to mean that I struggle against seemingly impossible obstacles to attain my most desired goals in life.
All of this is with a sense that I am confident in my greatness, my ability to shine and overcome. However, again and again, I feel defeated by others and the enclosure of "real life". The money, the things, the situations that all tie me down to an expected norm. A frustration with a deep desire to avert disappointing others and still achieve my dreams.
The only new item of interest that appeared was the inclusion of a dear friend. This someone comforted me and pointed out to me that not all was lost. This offered a new aspect to the reoccurring story, bringing light to the importance and affect this person has made on my life. Friends really do make a difference.
Lastly, I offer the notion that I am not afraid to express my emotions in real life. In fact tears are dropping at the moment as I write. I just find myself barred from expressing my passion during most of the day as it is not widely accepted to sing loudly while in line at the grocery or to go widely into discussion about the tragedy of others across the world while one is supposed to be earning their living. So, I wait. I wait for the right moment, the appropriate forum to scream from the mountaintops, to heal the world's wounds.
Last night, I had a series of dreams that explored my psyche and allowed me to express my deep emotions on a level that I haven't felt in a while. Most days I am busy being the "rock", the shoulder to cry on, the mediator & negotiator. So, it is no wonder that the deep passion that I feel about life and relationships tends to come out with such explosive force. I have become quite apt in analyzing my dreams. It isn't the individual events that occur and the minute details of the environment, but rather the emotional tout that is most important. The particular feelings that one experiences in a dream is the real "meaning" of it all.
In my case, I am struggling with a conflict: I am proud of my beauty, inside & out. However, I am distraught that somehow I am plagued with being undesired, unwanted and not worthy to be loved. At least not in the way I love. I love deeply and passionately. I give my whole self and expect the same in return. However, those I have chose in the past have either been unable or unwilling to give themselves to me completely.
There are other themes within my dreams.
I have great aspirations. I aim to save the world one magnificent act at a time and do not seek praise, but rather recognition that the act occurred. In a way that empowers others to save the world as well. So, I seek to be a humble hero with the freedom to do great things with the ultimate goal to inspire others to become heroes in their own right. Now, this translates from a fantastical, magical world in my dreams to real life where I desire to make a real difference. However, I have not yet found a the opportunity in real life to act out these worldly ideas. I expect that day to come soon and will most likely present itself as an impact on a smaller scale, yet colossal in emotional importance.
There is a third subject that is common in my dreams and presented itself again. The feeling of loss, the fear of being without ability to go where I wish. The dream is usually about my car. Either the lack of one, being in the shop or whatever. Or something is physically impossible about the vehicle which prevents me from driving it. So, I translate this to mean that I struggle against seemingly impossible obstacles to attain my most desired goals in life.
All of this is with a sense that I am confident in my greatness, my ability to shine and overcome. However, again and again, I feel defeated by others and the enclosure of "real life". The money, the things, the situations that all tie me down to an expected norm. A frustration with a deep desire to avert disappointing others and still achieve my dreams.
The only new item of interest that appeared was the inclusion of a dear friend. This someone comforted me and pointed out to me that not all was lost. This offered a new aspect to the reoccurring story, bringing light to the importance and affect this person has made on my life. Friends really do make a difference.
Lastly, I offer the notion that I am not afraid to express my emotions in real life. In fact tears are dropping at the moment as I write. I just find myself barred from expressing my passion during most of the day as it is not widely accepted to sing loudly while in line at the grocery or to go widely into discussion about the tragedy of others across the world while one is supposed to be earning their living. So, I wait. I wait for the right moment, the appropriate forum to scream from the mountaintops, to heal the world's wounds.
1/27/09
Depo and My Anxiety, potential hidden cause
Phew! what a long day! ;)
I just discovered something interesting that might point to a possible increased risk of the anxiety issues I have been dealing with. I have stopped taking my Depo shot (birth control). I have been off it for about 2 months and within the last month I haven't had any anxiety symptoms. Prior to stopping the depo, I was still having mild anxiety attacks even on the anxiety meds. So, I did some searching online and found lots of forums where people posted about the same circumstances. Anxiety and depression are a possible side effect of Depo. But, since I had been on it for about 5 years, I didn't think they were related. However, as I kept searching, I found several whom only starting having REAL problems after being on depo for a few years, especially if there was some sort of extra stress in thier lives that helped to trigger the episodes.
So, long story short, I am staying on the meds for a bit longer, but am seriously considering trying to wean myself off them (under Dr direction) in about another month. If all goes well and I am off the meds in a couple months, I may still never know if the Depo cause it directly. But, at this point, am pretty convinced.
I just discovered something interesting that might point to a possible increased risk of the anxiety issues I have been dealing with. I have stopped taking my Depo shot (birth control). I have been off it for about 2 months and within the last month I haven't had any anxiety symptoms. Prior to stopping the depo, I was still having mild anxiety attacks even on the anxiety meds. So, I did some searching online and found lots of forums where people posted about the same circumstances. Anxiety and depression are a possible side effect of Depo. But, since I had been on it for about 5 years, I didn't think they were related. However, as I kept searching, I found several whom only starting having REAL problems after being on depo for a few years, especially if there was some sort of extra stress in thier lives that helped to trigger the episodes.
So, long story short, I am staying on the meds for a bit longer, but am seriously considering trying to wean myself off them (under Dr direction) in about another month. If all goes well and I am off the meds in a couple months, I may still never know if the Depo cause it directly. But, at this point, am pretty convinced.
1/9/09
Free Remote Assistance for Friends!
This is just too kewl... I haven't tried it, but it allow file transfer, which Logmein does not on the free edition. I am going to have to try this out soon. :)
10/23/08
Horseshoes & Wax
Day 5 was a much better day! I took a healthy 2 mile hike to Horseshoe Bend. Was a bit grueling for me, especially since I am not fit for this kind of excersize. Up and down a hill both ways with a good portion very sandy, so slow. It definitely got my heart beat up. I know now that when I do excersize, I want to do much of it outside.It has been much colder up here than I expected it to feel and so have been staying at hotels mostly. It is getting a bit expensive and I am starting to miss the warmth of phoenix. Plus, I forgot my long johns! :)
Anyway, after the hike to Horseshoe Bend, I went on a boat tour to Antelope Canyon. Beatiful high "painted" canyon walls. The sandstone layers and sheer cliffs were spotted with flora and fauna. We saw a couple blue herons and some kayakers on the way. Took lots of pictures, of course. I will be posting them when I get back home.
I stayed at the Marble Canyon Lodge, just south of Lees Ferry. A qauint little lodge in the middle of nowhere, had an open hot roast beef sandwhich and mashed potatos, which was ok. The hotel room bed was hard, but nicely furnished with solid wood. A real cabin feel. The TV only picked up a couple channels, which was fine. Read a book anyway. Unfortunately, woke up to a cold room as the heater wasn't working well. All and all it was a good day/night.
So, I have decided to make my way home. This has been a refreshing adventure, no doubt. But, I think it has been enough, for now. I have gained courage and ambition, and a sense of self that I haven't had in a while. I am now thinking of all the wonderful things at home and feel it a sign that I make my way back. I still have a week of vacation, but plan on doing a few things in phoenix I haven't done in a while. I think I will visit the art and science museums, go on a hike (camelback/south mountains, maybe). Go see a movie... my eyes are more open to what fun I can have right at home.
The biggest lesson I have learned is how to relax, especially in times of turmoil. I have found ways to manage my stress and some new triggers to avoid. The second biggest lesson is that I now have fully realized is that there is a big world out there that I can afford to discover. Yes, it may take time and some effort, but my dreams are only goals and now I have the courage to attain them! :) I will continue to post after reaching home, as I think part of this process is also finding ways to deal with being at home, close to the stresses that started this whole ball of wax.
So, I have decided that I have had enough vacationing away from home for a while. I am going to visit a couple more
10/22/08
Glen Canyon, Oh! How I Love You!
All that running around really caught up with me on Day 4 caught up with me, eh?!So much so, that after getting up, sending out emails, etc and going to the Glen Canyon Visitor center, I was tired again. Took another nap and before I knew it, it was sundown. I really need to take this trip a little more liesurely. Anyway, I thought I might try a shot at setting up camp at night. I have done it before, it's never fun, but is possible. So, I went down to the Wahweap camp ground close to the visitor center, paid the park fee ($15) and went on in to see if maybe the Dinner Cruise had left yet, only to find out that they weren't doing it except on Friday's....
So, on to the idea about camping... found that the camp registration office was closed and it was $19 to camp anyway. So, thought I might try the next camp site, Lone Rock. It had restrooms and a firepit, all I needed right? Well, what I didn't know it that if you go the wrong way, you can get stuck in the sand. So, there I am, stuck in the deep sand with my poor car, calling the park service for help. I was referred to a guy who pulls people out all the time, he came quickly, but it cost $150. Let met tell you... at this point, I was about ready to head home. But, decided to spend the night at the hotel again, which they gave me a $5 discount for staying the night before. Oh, and I also picked up some B-12 and St Johns Wort from the local Walmart. A friend noted that it might help instead of the drowsy inducing Zanax.
I think I might just go do the touristy thing today, maybe spend another night.
10/21/08
Anxiety! Go Away! And DON'T Come Another Day!
What an insteresting day.... Started the day out early, about 7 am... Got camp packed up, then drove down to an island mini-mountain at lymon lake. Found out that there were some petroglyphs there. So, took the mile hike, saw a caterpilar, got out of breath a few times, but didn't see any petroglyphs. Found out later that I went the wrong way on the trail..... oh well.So, on to Flagstaff and Page (near Lake Powell). My Grandmother mentioned there was a petrified forest on my way to holbrook. So, I decided to stop in. Only to discover how big the place was! :) Well, anyway, stopped at the vistor's center, watched a video that was mostly about why taking any of the petrified wood from the park was illegal and immoral.... Booooring... of course I won't take any wood. Oh well, so on to the park, walked about 1/2 mile around the great logs trail, then on to what they calle the Crystal forest. I was excited to go on this mile walk becaus the brochure said there would be amethyst. But, didn't find much, if any of that. It was still a nice walk, took quite a few pictures of some awesome petrified logs. It was like nature had just lifed up these logs to the surface, saying, "see what I created 220 million years ago!, is't it neat?"... and it was. traveled my way up the park, didn't stop at everything. But, did stop near the north end of the park to see more petroglyphs, only to find out that I could get up close to them, they had binoculars setup.. Took a few more pics, not sure how they will turn out, but we'll see. Sat down for a moment to have lunch... Then, on up to the north end of the park which is littered with lookouts onto the "Painted Desert" with layers of carved away sediment revealing all of the beatiful reds, whites and blacks, like a beautiful painting.
Finally, after 3 hours of seeing the sites, I was back on the freeway, on my way to Flagstaff. Stopped off at a Circle K in Holbrook... got myself a caffenated engergy drink (and regretted it later). Made a pitstop in town where I found wireless again, sent a quick email, then looked online for the best price on hotels in flagstaff & page. Not being sure where I was going to end up as it was nearing sunset at this point. Made my way to flagstaff, at this point being night-time. Stopped off at a village in, had some more coffee and a small steak dinner.... Got some more gas, this time $3.06.... then made the 2 1/2 hour drive up to Page. Made it into town fine, but then started to stress about which hotel was cheapest... did some more war driving, and finally found the best place (motel 6, $50 for the night).
Then, started to worry about my money. So, called the bank, found out it was fine and started to reply/send emails. I think it was a combination of stress & the caffeine, but I started to have an anxiety attack. Being the type that has never had to take pills before, I tried a few things to calm me down. Walked around the building, went to get something to drink (thinking I might be dehydrated). Then it hit me, full force, felt like I was going to pass out one moment, then heart raced with adrenaline the next. It was like a semi truck was sitting on my chest, I was dizzy... I took my Xanax pill.... layed down, it got worse. Walked around a bit, drank some more water, watched TV, went to the bathroom... anything to distract me from the thought that I had a blood clot, waiting to make its way up to my brain, remembering all those hospital TV shows.... feeling like the pill wasn't working fast enough.... waited for 1/2 an hour... still felt horrible.... So, what else could I do... I went to the emergency room....
I checked out fine... no evidence of heart attack, just was having a bad attack and needed to take a higher dosage. By that time, I was much more calm, but felt like it was only because I had been able to ask the doctor more questions (would you have seen evidence of a past heart attack in the EKG?: "yes"; can anxiety cause this severe chest pain?: "yes"). In some ways hearing this from the doctor instead of just reading online help quite a bit... Still feeling a bit of chest pain, the doctor gave me three more pills and told me to take them when I got back to the apartment.
I took them and within 30 mins, I was asleep.... Waking up to a knock at the door at 10 AM: "Room Service!".
So, I am now diagnosed with Anxiety... why in the world has this started now? I have never had this problem before... I mean, I am not a New York Stock typhoon.... Or a thrill seeker.... I am 28 years old for goodness sake.... Well... I guess this is only Day 3, still 9 more to go... Hopefully, I will have this issue taken care of by then... Meantime... no cafeine.
Lymon, you are not a Lemon
Started the day out from Payson at a liesurely 10 am. After realizing I had forgotten my camp chair and table, dish washing bin & scrub towels, camp soap, paper towels and toilet papter....I went to buy a few things from the Payson WalMart. Ahhh... now I was really prepared and on my way. Traveled from Payson, throught Show Low. There, I found cheap gas (2.99/gal), which IS cheap for rural arizona, especially on tourist routes. Anyway, picked up gas, then onto Springerville. Stopped off at a rest stop and took some pics (posted on Moblog).
Got some firewood in Springerville... Then, to my surprise realized my phone said I was in roaming mode... grrr.... I had thought I had checked before-hand to make sure that I was in the VZW network area for the whole trip. Well, with no cell phone coverage at the lake campsite, I was lowered to war-driving in the local town, St Johns. Got a quick message out, then back to the campsite.
While getting camp setup, I discovered that one cannot squeeze the air matress into the tent after blowin it out side the tent. After a good laugh at myself and managing to work the blown up matress into the tiny entrance, I was pretty much setup. Well except for setting out the water and chair, lugging the firewood out near the fire.. Anyway, it was starting to get a little chilly, so donned my new hiking pants, over my sweat pant (man was that a squeeze too). I felt like a stuffed sausage. Which reminded me that I had a package of sausages and a new cast iron camp fire "pie iron" I had to get seasoned. So, I set out to get the fire going, the pie iron prepared and the sausages cooked. Man, did it turn out well! The sausages were perfectly cooked.
After eating, I just sat and tended the fire, looking up at the stars. I started to whisper to myself at some point... I had a few revelations by that fire... Increasingly, over the years, I have wrapped myself in a shroud of fear. This has not only prevented me from realizing my dreams fully, but also has frozen me like a statue at times, being unable to function. I think I have only been able to survive at times because of all the disctractions. Mental turmoil with my relationships (absence of parents in childhood, Aunt Sharon's antics, Amanda's Social Anxiety Disorder, my Mother's plethora of mental illnesses, then Lee's hipocrisy) has only served to give my mind something else to concentrate on. To come to feel responsible for the misgivings of others, blaming myself for thier failures if I was unable to make a difference. It has caused me, at times to retreat into my shell, frozen in time. Which only serves to create issues as well.
Long story short, I realized that my dreams are goals only if I am willing to grasp them. That I am powerful, beautiful and proud. That I still need to learn to be able to care and give without automatically taking responsibility for other's success and/or failure. To realize that I can save the world, but only if I save myself. That I need to find ways to manage my stress, instead of escaping them.
So, I have started.... not only have I started by going on this vacation, but also doing a bit of excersize, staying away from caffeine, getting out of town to relax.
10/18/08
Operation Recuperation - Night 1
Many of you (that would read this) already know that I am on a much needed vacation. I have officially dubbed this adventure as "Operation Recuperation". My plan is to not have too much of a plan, just to relax, see the sights my home state offers & let the cool mountain air recharge my spirit.I will be camping most nights, but this first night, I am in a hotel. The decision came late in the day to go ahead and start my journey. I hope to get a good start on sightseeing, setting up camp, ect by being now only 3 1/2 hours away from lyman lake.
I will have an internet connection when on the road via my cell phone tethered to my laptop. (for those techies reading this, I am using BDUN (Bluetooth Dial Up Networking))
Anyway, while I am in the hotel, I might as well soak up the free wireless internet service... even though it is much slower than home :) I get 20Mb at home, here I am getting only 1.9Mb. (speedtest.net results)
I am now getting a craving for something sweet.. but, can't have smores yet, so I think I am going to go on the hunt for dessert in payson... and then to sleep.
4/9/08
Swiftweasel & Swiftdove a linux www/email client wonder
I love my Ubuntu Box. I built the box last year and have been playing with it ever since. I have only had to reboot a few times (maybe 6 times within the last year). I am so impressed with all that linux offers.
The Swiftweasel Project was my newest discovery. Even though linux is much faster, I have been experiencing issues with Firefox (web client) and Thunderbird (email client) freezing. While looking for a 64-bit version of the new Lightning (calendar plugin for Thunderbird), I came across a forum post on ubuntuforums.org that mentioned this. Looking into it, I thought I would try it out. After about 5 mins, I had Swiftdove (enhance version of Thunderbird) and Swiftweasel (enhanced version of Firefox) installed and up and running. I have had no freezing issue and am now browsing fast again.
Sometimes, in life, you come across something that just "works". My advice is to try new things, who knows, you may be happier at the end of the day. I know I am! :)
links:
Swiftweasel Project Home Page
Swiftweasel Wiki
Swiftweasel Wikipedia Page
The Swiftweasel Project was my newest discovery. Even though linux is much faster, I have been experiencing issues with Firefox (web client) and Thunderbird (email client) freezing. While looking for a 64-bit version of the new Lightning (calendar plugin for Thunderbird), I came across a forum post on ubuntuforums.org that mentioned this. Looking into it, I thought I would try it out. After about 5 mins, I had Swiftdove (enhance version of Thunderbird) and Swiftweasel (enhanced version of Firefox) installed and up and running. I have had no freezing issue and am now browsing fast again.
Sometimes, in life, you come across something that just "works". My advice is to try new things, who knows, you may be happier at the end of the day. I know I am! :)
links:
Swiftweasel Project Home Page
Swiftweasel Wiki
Swiftweasel Wikipedia Page
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6/15/07
Low Maintenance Gardening?
put together a homemade hydroponics system that works
I am putting together an Aeroponics system right now. Almost done, I am just now making the rest of the re-usable pots. I will post a pic when I am done :)Blogged with Flock
5/9/07
Before and After Weight Watchers...
According to popular demand...
BEFORE AFTER 
b4nafterWW.jpg - Image - Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
The before pic on the left was taken at my company's Holiday Party in 2005. At my top weight in Jan '06, a month later, I was around 220 lbs.
I promptly joined the Weight Watchers at work program in Mar '06 and have lost about 75 lbs since.
The after pic on the right was taken on Apr 15, 2007 when I was weighing in at 154 lbs.
I reached my Weight Watchers goal and became a lifetime member on Apr 23, 2007.
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5/3/07
My Fav Podcasts
Here is a list of all my Favorite Podcasts and thier corresponding links.
I admit that I am more well-rounded due to these casts, take a look, you may enjoy them as well! :)
- Best Damn Tech Show: WWW RSSmp3 RSSmov RSS Pluggd Flemo.org chrisbrogan.com blip.tv network2.tv
- Fresh Ubuntu: BLOGogg ORG COM tipShack Pligg
- Going Linux: WWW RSSmp3 RSSOgg iTunes PodcastAlley
- Geek News Central: WWW RSSmp3 RSSblog MAIL TechPN iTunes Y!POD ZENcast
- IT Idiots: WWW iTunes RSSshow
- Linux Reality: WWW RSSmp3 RSSogg Feedmp3
- RYOS (Run Your Own Server): WWW FORUM RSSmp3 DIGG PICKLE RSSblog
- Source Trunk: WWW RSSmp3 RSSogg iTunes PodcastAlley TechPN NetVibes
- LugRadio: WWW RSSmp3 RSSogg FORUM LugRadioLive
- Tech Chick Tips: WWW FORUM RSSmp3 ShowNotes
- Tech Snark: WWW iTunes RSSmp3 Feedmp3 DIGG FORUM eMail
- The Linux Action Show: WWW RSSmp3 RSSogg iTunes FORUM Contact
- The Tech Teachers: WWW DIGG RSSmp3 iTunes ViTunes Frappr FEEDatom
- The Vista Show: WWW iTunes FEEDmp3 RSSmp3 eMail WIKI Ggroup DIGG PodcastAlley uTube
- TPN: Atomic: WWW iTunes RSSmp3
- TPN: Gday World: WWW iTunes RSSmp3
- TPN: The Tablet PC Show
- TPN: The Cranky Middle Manager Show
5/1/07
Typical AZ Dust Storm
When most people think of Arizona, they think of cute lizards and prickly pear cactus. But, here in AZ we actually have pretty weird weather. I live in a Dust Storm corridor where often we encounter Mummy-movie-like walls of dust. Here are a couple videos I took with my Casio Exilim EX-S600 tonight.
Enjoy! :)
NOTE: photobucket doesn't allow videos over 5 mins, so the first one is the 1st 5 mins and the 2nd is the last 1 min 23 secs of the first video. Also, click the link if you are feeding off the feedburner RSS feed with your own RSS client and cannot see the embedded video.
The Dust Storm! (first 5 mins) link
The Dust Storm! (cont'd...) link
Sunset Afterwards... link
technorati tags:Video, Home, Casio, Exilim, EX-S600, Dust, AZ
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