Google thinks Custom means Suggested

I am finding myself disappointed by our supposed innovation star, Google.  Maybe I just haven't been paying close enough attention or maybe it is because I am starting to see the world through a small business owner's perspective.  But with the recent hoopla about their YouTube Content ID service changes, I am should be surprised to find out that Google+ does not actually offer Custom URLs.  They are just Suggested URLs.  Their community Help page states that there is no review system or option to choose an alternate URL.  Meantime, posts on the page by users indicate that the option was available at one point, but everyone is getting rejection emails.

Google!  Ewe dun fuk'ed it up again!

Although these options do match my name on my profile, I don't want to use my name, I want to use my USERNAME.

Whatever happened to anonymity.  Does google not value it?  Another idea for a blog post, maybe..... hmmm....

Please leave your comments below.

FYI - I am thinking of switching to Wordpress or Drupal sooner than later, being unsatisfied with the limited commenting options available for Google's Blogger. What I really want is something like Comments Evolved which allows readers to comment in any way they prefer.

Is it time for a YouTube clone?

With all of the recent Content ID matching issues on YouTube, I am starting to seriously consider creating my own video hosting website as a replacement.  This would be an Open Innovation organization using copyleft licensing like Creative Commons, encouraging fair use content with an ad-revenue structure.

This type of venture would require a CDN (Content Delivery Network) that already supports this structure and if none exists, the creation of a new CDN.

The basis of this desire stems from the strong belief that IP Claims abuse is rampant and growing.  If we don't restrain corporate interests from being able to undermine the legal system in this manner, they will destroy the creativity movement entirely.  Worldwide, we are facing the potential for total disaster at every turn.  If we continue to discourage creativity and innovation in the same manner, we will surely experience further recession and other potential consequences.

Would you be interested in participating in this type of venture and/or do you know of any other organizations that are already attempting a media website like this?  Please leave a comment on this subject.  I would like to know what you think.

Related Videos:

Related Articles:

Deconstructing Let’s Play, Copyright, and the YouTube Content ID Claim System: A Legal Perspective

YouTube ignores content-creator concerns in statement regarding mass copyright flagging

Lawrence Lessig v. Liberation Music

10 Reasons Why You Should Never Host Your Own Videos

Norah's Notebook: Artist or the Clay?

Video 1.8 - Design Thinking: Bringing Empathy and Collaboration To Your Designs

The perfectionist in me can't stop from noticing that the first video in this series covered the 3rd and 4th points. Where the second/last video covered the first two points. But, I digress.... This program is really trying to drive home the point that good product design is intuitive. Being a female engineer, I am intimately familiar with this concept. I find myself wondering if the world if starting to catch on to my personal passions surrounding open innovation and creativity or if I am being shaped by this world. Am I the artists hands and is the world my clay or is it the other way around?

References

engineeringdotcom. (2012). Design Thinking. Bringing Empathy and Collaboration to Your Designs. Engineering.com. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-tQJ9RHKRw

engineeringdotcom. (2012). Integrative Thinking and Experimentalism in Design Thinking. Engineering.com. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_kc80XumZY

Norah's Notebook: Crazy=Awesome?

Video 1.7 - How To Design Breakthrough Inventions

David Kelley's Stanford’s Joint Program in Design is realizing the same benefits as this IEMS program at Full Sail.

I feel strongly that this course, in particular, is getting into material and discussion that is going to make the most difference to by business ventures.

Each material, discussion and assignment provides additional personal validation.

References

How to design breakthrough inventions. (2013, January 6). 60 Minutes. CBS. Retrieved from http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/how-to-design-breakthrough-inventions-50138327/

David Kelley. (2013, December 4). Stanford University Institute of Design. Retrieved from http://dschool.stanford.edu/bio/david-kelley/

Norah's Notebook: Why does starting a business have to drive you nuts?

While catching up on some reading homework today, I found myself writing this in my notebook:

Great Brands Are About Fusing Product And Service. How Do You Do It

"Companies need to start thinking about the holistic experience between their brands, products, and services. Crafting an experience requires design that considers these three elements of brand, product, and service in order to generate successful results. Any company can be analyzed through these lenses to evaluate the experience it creates for its customers (Seiger, 2013)." I feel very strongly that we require a strong brand image.  In fact, this has been my largest roadblock.  It keeps holding me back from starting.  I feel like I can describe the elements that I want, the emotion I want it to bring... but have not yet fully allowed myself to realize what that looks like, what arrangement is required and it amounts to my own fear, that I am incapable of doing so, that even though I appreciate and desire to perform and produce art, I am never going to be good enough... Ughhh, maybe I need to get a counselor....  Why does starting a business have to drive you nuts?

Steiger, R. (2013, December 3). Great Brands Are About Fusing Product And Service. How Do You Do It?Co.Design. Retrieved from http://www.fastcodesign.com/1670034/great-brands-are-about-fusing-product-and-service-how-do-you-do-it

Closing the Auto-share loop: From Twitter to Google+

On my previous blog post, Automatically Share Blogger posts to Multiple Social Networks, I discussed my strategy for sharing Blog posts to Blogger.  However, Buffer does not yet post to Google+ Profiles, which often leaves this social network out of the loop and in turn decreases my reach.  To remediate this concern, I have created a this IFTTT recipe.

Logic: Twitter posts with links are usually in regard to a new, whereas those without are usually a discussion specific event.  Thus, I have designed it to only fire when posting a link to twitter.

In order to avoid double posting to Google+, I have removed automatically posting to Google+ from the other recipes that use sources, like Tumblr, Blogger and Disqus.

The loop is now closed and the structure, subsequently, easier to diagram.

UPDATE (12/21/2013): Updated IFTTT recipe to use Link to Twitter post instead of embed code, which results in a blank post.

Automatically Share Blogger posts to Multiple Social Networks

Social Network Management is often costly and time consuming, to say the least.  Using a combination of IFTTT and Buffer, you can automatically share a blogger post to all your social networks for FREE!

Just follow these 5 simple steps:

1. Follow this post to Setup SMS to Google+
2. Login to Buffer and link to your social networks
3. Login to IFTTT
4. Use this IFTTT recipe to send ALL blogger posts to your SMS and/or Buffer emails
5. Use this IFTTT recipe to send LABELED blogger posts to your SMS and/or Buffer emails

I use a combination of the two IFTTT recipes, where all posts get sent to my personal network.  Then I use one labeled version per other network. Specifically, tekAura goes to my company pages, where tekNorah goes to my personal-business/company-employee network.

You might have noticed there is no SMS loop for the tekAura company network.  That is because Buffer now posts to Google+ Pages.  When they add posting to Google+ Profiles, I will likely be able to remove the SMS/Google Voice paths, as well.

By default, this setup will delay posting via Buffer based on your schedule.  This behavior can be modified with advanced controls on the Buffer Email Guide.  I usually add these as labels to the post so it is easy to identify which posts were sent immediately or to a specific profile.

UPDATE: You can only have one Google+ account activated per Google Voice number.  Also, links will not embed using this method.  Although not as visually appealing, it is still functional.

UPDATE 2: I have switched Automatic posting to Google+ from Blogger using this method: https://support.google.com/blogger/answer/1752748?p=share&rd=1 for My main NorahAura Profile.  However, Google+ SMS is still useful for other services like Tumblr, Disqus and posting to an alternate Google+ profile (tekNorah).

UPDATE 3: Opened to allow for reader comments.  Didn't realize I had it disabled for this post.  It appears I have to set this every time.  *Sarcastically* THANKS GOOGLE! You have made my life Oh-So! Simple as of late!.... Sorry guys, it is working now.  Also, please see the newly revamped Auto-share Diagram in the Related Posts.

Related Posts:
Closing the Auto-share loop: From Twitter to Google+

Women Leaders: What we want but can't have

Picture courtesy of ASU women honor STEM role models 

Today, I commented in the group Connect: Professional Women's Network, Powered by Citi on What would you like to see from your female leaders?:

Although I agree with the general desire to have more women in leadership, especially in STEM fields, I think it is more important to highlight the specific qualities that we desire from women in leadership. It has been a long road to gender equality and I believe we are now at a crossroads. Traditionally, women have worked their way into executive STEM positions by being a hellcat. This aggressive behavior has done much to break the walls down, to show that we have the capacity for brutal, calculated, process driven decision making. We have proven that we can "stack up" against our male counterparts. Advantage has been gained and recognized. I believe this is why there is an increase in female management in departments that are appreciate our communication skills, like HR, Customer Service, Healthcare and Sales. Our culture, now having experienced some improved interactions, are demanding an increase in service quality. This is our next biggest opportunity.

I am have witnessed several women climb the ranks in IT, Sales & Accounting departments within the Education, Healthcare and Finance industries. Upon entry into leadership, many of them take on the role of a scornful mother. I have personally experienced their ice cold reprimand, which appears to be heightened by fear. Fear of not meeting goals set by the executive membership, peers or themselves. This tends to migrate to frustration and anger towards employees who do not meet translated performance goals. And women, believing that attainment of these goals requires them to whip their troops into submission, become disrespected. This behavior only produces marginal results and they end up portraying themselves with an unappealing image of being moody, difficult and uncaring. It is no wonder why we desire mentorship from women in leadership. We know that sharing knowledge and investing effort in each other is a positive and productive experience.

Personally, even though I understand the intricacies of traditional large-organization, management and political structure, it no longer appeals to me. I now believe strongly in the Open Organization where decisions are made by rough consensus of a working group, actions are transparent and accountable and vision is maintained

collectively. Leaders will still arise in this type of format, usually by way of recognized and apparent skill. However, the sense of pyramid power is consistently squashed. Some of these concepts, like those of Daniel Pink, have been creeping into the corporate mind. Although, it has not received significant traction because corporations are hooked on protecting this notion of intellectual property instead of product/service value.

So, what do I think will break the glass ceiling of gender-biased leadership?

Remodel the structure.

----------------------------------------
Additional Reading:

• These Charts About Women In Leadership Prove How Far The U.S. Is Behind The Rest Of The World
• Women in Leadership: Impacting Change
• How Do Women Lead?
• She Geeks: A Look at Women in STEM Careers
• Mad Men: Young Women's Ascension in Business

Exposed: Creative Process or Paranoid Delusions?

As some of you may have heard, I walked away from University of Phoenix and the corporate high-wire act last month on August 20th, 2013.  I have laced my combat boots, stocked my armory and my tank is overflowing with Octane Boost 3000.  Don't fret, my siblings, Goddess Norah is going to teach 'em a thing or two before we are through.

Over the years, I have documented some of my personal struggles and triumphs here.  Although you readers are a treasured few, I have always treated this space as a living autobiography.  Usually, the primary benefactor is myself as I have frequently looked back to these pages to remind myself of my progress.

I have always been a fairly shy person, likely due to some clinically traumatic experiences I endured during adolescence.  I have talked the talk for many years, trying to lead by example in an attempt to explain my passion.  In the process, I have found myself crying in the presence of strangers many times, often behind closed doors and too many times with my superiors, managing to divulge some gruesome nugget from my past.  All this only to become disgusted with myself later on because it invited pity instead of the intended respect.

Now I understand that those people were not my target audience, but rather, unwilling guinea pigs. Moreover, I was not really ready to tell my story, did not yet have the courage to be myself and realize my power. As my fantasy is now quickly becoming reality, I thought it equally important to embrace my desire to be open to the world.

Uncensored, Unflinching and Unafraid to tell it like it is and speak my mind!  Any who follow: Be warned... YOU may not be ready to receive.

In light of that announcement.... Here is a story idea I came up with today:

-------------------------------------------------------------
Article Subject: The Enduring Nature of Weird

Current Heroes: Mick Foley, Hunter S. Thompson, Bill Murray, Ozzy Osbourne, Andy Kaufman, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Carl Sagan, George Carlin

Current: Changing times, Smart is Sexy, Creative = Smart

Historical Heroes: Hercules, Robin Hood

Fictional vs. Factual : Difference between historical and current heroes, or are they?

What makes something Weird? (Definition, Description of Feeling, etc.)

How does the Brain perceive Weird?

Weirdness scale? (As the observed behavior deviates from the established norm, the level of weirdness increases)

Is there a ceiling to weird? What does it become or branch to?  Obscene, Offensive, Disgusting,

Maybe this is best described as an infographic.... Maybe I should blog using only infographics from now on.... ok, now I am just rambling to myself....

Hmmm... this could even be a post... on a post-it or a piece of paper.... oooo.... I could write all of this out on a piece of paper.... then take a picture.... no, no, then they will see that I obviously wrote it first on the screen... no biggie... I'll just... wait... don't tell them.... they are watching now.... just act.... stop typing... what are you doing?  Oh no, I'm stuck, I can't continue any thought without typing it first.... lolz...  jk... okies... going now!

Update (12/21/13): I opened comments on this article.  Sorry, I missed this one.

My Whole House Journey to Health

I recently emailed an inspiration in the health food industry and thought I would re-post here:

Dear Dr Pierson,
I have been threatening to switch my cats to homemade cat food for about 2 years now. However, initially reading your website, and others near the beginning of my inquiry, I was intimidated by the amount of warnings and specific formulations.  Now, I am revisiting the idea and find myself renewed and inspired by your website.  I think, mostly, because we have transitioned to a primarily home made human food diet within the last year.
My husband and I have lost at least 50 lbs, combined, on our journey and are en-route to obtain our healthy goals weights within the next year.  We had always prided ourselves on our culinary aptitude.  However, still were victims of the convenience of processed food.  For health, monetary savings and impending economic doom, not only are we making almost all of our baked goods from scratch, we now also make at least half of our condiments and sauces, like mayo, soup and stir fry bases.  (I am still in the process of running out of some others, like ketchup and mustard to have an excuse to make them from scratch, as well).  Also, recently, finally purchased a small food processor and blender.  Where I always had my 500W Professional KitchenAid mixer, and was practiced in the art of desert loafs, muffins, pastries, cookies, batters, meringues and whipped cream, I had only used the included grinder once years ago when on a weight watcher diet and ground some turkey and salmon for alternative burgers.
Now, I am constantly satisfying a increased need for "from scratch" recipes for everything under the sun and found ways to be creative and innovative with the tools at hand.  For instance, I have always enjoyed a good smoothie or juice, but never had the ability to make it at home.  Now, I juice with the food processor and flour sack cloth and blend my own fresh smoothies with as much or more variety than can be found at the local juice bar. I hope to continue with next major appliance purchases:
Pinterest - DIY = Prepping
It is with this new venture and the fact that my cats ran out of food today (yes, it is dry food. I am now more driven since reading your page again to switch).  My first 2 attempts, cooking the food because I am not sure as to the safety and some of the meat was frozen, tonight were somewhat turned away, but valiant efforts are appreciated as the screaming for food has temporarily abated.  I am confident that with a quick trip to the store tomorrow to pick up the items from your recipe and few transition items like a couple cans of food (which I know they will eat, thankfully) and tuna (one of mine dies of anticipation when cans are opened in the house), I am on my way to healthier cats, which have been gaining weight since becoming indoor only (apartment living vs house, prior).
Long story short, thank you for your persistence and updates over the years on your website.  Your diligence has lent to my decision to go natural and release my feline's inner carnivore!

Stay tuned for some kitten photos!

OMG - My favorite comic now as an Anime!

The only true constant is Change

Everything in this universe changes, including ourselves. We strive for stability with every step by obtaining new income, relationships, items. However, ultimately, we are always in flux. Even the reasons we use to justify our choices are faulty. For instance, let's say you decide to buy a new car because your current vehicle's maintenance costs are high and gas mileage is poor. Using your rational decision making process via research and review, you find a new vehicle that serves your needs and has a lower cost of ownership. In fact, you discover that your accumulated savings for the next year would mean you could go on that cruise you have been talking about going on for a few years. Well, a lot of things can happen in a year and your environment can change easily. The trick is to allow this change. Don't give up on your dreams and goals, just allow them to change.

Recently, I was reminded of this when I discovered I had a blood clot in my left calf. Faced with a potentially serious medical condition, I scaled back on other areas in my life. I took a day off work to rest, started medication therapy and stepped back from school for a couple weeks. I still feel the result has been positive. My health has dramatically improved as I no longer am now able to walk, stand and sit for extended periods of time without pain and I have also quit smoking tobacco. Missing school has also made a positive impact even though I have been academically suspended for a year. It has forced me to step back and re-evaluate my goals and options. I now realize that an MBA, though a masters level degree, does not contain the curriculum I am most interested. In a previous post, I mentioned my plans which included a PHD in Human and Social Dimensions of Science and Technology. Well, guess what?! I just recently discovered there is a Masters level Human Dynamics program available! The courses are completely different from the MBA. Long story short, I am glad that I am being forced to take this time to re-evaluate my goals. A lot has happened over the last year and what I need now is to take care of my body and finances. So, I am happy to take a year to do so.

Change will and does happen. We just need to learn to embrace it.

My life with Smartphones just got exciting

NOTE: This is a comment response to a post on Geek News Central.

Ditto. I love my HTC Evo!

I started in the Smartphone world back with the Palm Treo 650 running Palm OS ($449 on Verizon in 2003).

Then, moved to the Palm Treo 700w ($499 on Verizon in 2006) as the first Windows Mobile OS running on a Palm hardware. It was a major improvement, but soon realized that I had to factory reset the thing every three months, just like Windows XP! :)


Next, I moved to the HTC Mogul ($0 trade w/ friend on Sprint in 2009), another Windows Mobile device. However, it had much better hardware, so enjoyed the significant increase in performance, screen space, gps and better camera.

So, it should be apparent at this point, that I prefer smartphones. However, I don't change phones but every 3 years or so. I almost bought the palm pre and was very exited about the Web OS because I always like the shine of palm harware and loved the prospect of merging my social network contact lists and the cloud computing concept of the platform. Unfortunately, I lost my job right before it was release and fortunately, did not purchase the device as it was realized shortly that the performance was lacking when running intensive apps. So, I went on a quest for a new smartphone. I was sick of the Windows Mobile platform. I had hacked it to improve performance and realized that no matter how hard I tried I would always be faced with the Windows experience of having to factory reset every few months to clean out the bugs and improve performance. I had been following the Google Android OS since it's first announcement, but was hesitant. I wanted to wait until the platform matured, stabilized within the market and had a larger app community.

I have had experience with a capacitive screen and on device app marketplace with my ipod touch. However, did not want an iPhone for many reasons, AT&Ts substandard service to be the largest. I prefer the Verizon network. However, Sprint is almost as good and much less expensive than Verizon.

Enter the HTC Evo!

Not only was the device reasonably priced at $199, but it also has some great hardware features that I was attracted to: slim design, large capacitive screen, 8 MP camera (better than my pocket camera at 6 MP). But what I was really exited about is getting a Mobile OS platform that actually worked and served my needs. I purchased my HTC Evo from a local Radio Shack, which offered an instant $100 rebate as opposed to mail in at Sprint, on June 4th. I had always avoided purchasing a device ON release day, so was a bit nervous about jumping into the fire. I did spend about 2 hours waiting for the device to become fully provisioned. But, was immediately impressed and felt like I had just made the biggest, best purchase decision in a long while.

That night, I drove to a heavy metal venue called the Drunken Lass in Prescott, AZ (about 2 hrs from Phoenix, AZ). I was hoping to use the Qik video streaming service that night for the show. Unfortunately, probably due to the high volume of new devices, the service was not available until the next day.

I have since found the device to be more of a resource and tool than just another smartphone device. I am able to access information quickly and reliably with the Android integrated searches, find and install apps from the Android Marketplace quickly and link my multiple google accounts (to include a couple google apps for domains), facebook and twitter contacts. I am in cloud computing heaven!

So, long story short, I am officially an Android fan-girl!

Check out these podcasts and useful Android websites:

Podcasts:
Android and Me Podast
Android Central Podcast
Phandroid Podcast
CNET's Android Atlas Podcast
Android Guys Podcast

Community:
Android Community
Android Developer Community
Talk Android
Sprint Android Community
Android Guys
Hello Android

Metal for Charity: Future for the Music Industry

Check out how Todd Murdock & Gina M Love from Murdock's Trinity Records & Promotions are changing the music industry! Their innovative model takes advantage of new media in a way that traditional major record labels and broadcast channels have continued to ignore.

Related News:
How Are Record Labels Handling Business Amidst The Download Free-for-All?

They have built a Dy-Na-MITE! team that will be sure to shake the boat and ruffle some feathers:

Michael Beck Sound Producer genius from SoundVision Recording (Website)

From Bio on his website:

"Producer/engineer Michael Beck started as a musician(singer).He has toured extensively throughout the U.S with bands such as Candlebox, CheapTrick, BadBrains, Prong, 311, Stabbing Westward, Overkill, Obituary, No Doubt, UFO,& many more.This touring came as result of several different indie & major label deals.

...

He was Local Music Director for the Phoenix based alternative rock station"The Edge" for 3 years & is currently on air at rock station 93.3 KDKB. He has worked as A&R for Warner Bros.Records & Hollywood Music. He is the owner SoundVision Recording & has produced & engineered everything from local demos to national & international releases."

Shona from Phoenix, AZ production company Rock Along Productions (Website)

From Rock Along's About page

"We are a local Arizona company that supports the local music scene in a variety of ways. We coordinate concerts at local venues to give small local bands the chance to perform and grow their fan base. We support all things music and art related in AZ!"

Related News:

Rock Along Productions: Trinity Records And Rock Along Team Up!

Losing God, Local AZ Band

Up Up On The Sun, New Times Blog Highlights Battle of the Bands!

Steve Bartolone from Online Music TV sensation Hollywood Music (sponsor of the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival , Vans Warped Tour)

Related News:

Todd eludes to Hollywood Music's involvemeent with Filming Murdock's Trinity Records Launch Party

Mike "Jesus" Cross , J "Woden Thundergod" Lane , Jason "Thor Shreddington" Stein, Nate "The Naked Drummer" Oliver from Thrash Metal Phoenix, AZ sensation Losing God

Related News:
Losing God, Local AZ Band

Lopsided World of L on 98KUPD

From info Tab on Facebook page:

"Radio show filled with brand new and past gems, rock, metal, goth, pop and hip hop....

host of the show: Jonathan L

info:
JONATHAN L, former Alternative KUKQ-AM PD and one of the pioneers of the format, returns to the airwaves at 98 KUPD with a specialized 3-hour weekly show called "THE LOPSIDED WORLD OF L,". It's a mixture of Alternative and Rock from the past and present ."

Related News:
Jonathan L's "LOPSIDED WORLD OF L" PLAYLISTS (Friday, Apr 3, 2010, Saturday, Apr 4, 2010) - Losing God was played!

• Wolf? Man? on 98KUPD by Losing God
  

Shonte Evonne from Octave Radio on KWSS 106.7

From Facebook Info Tab:

"Octave Radio is a high-energy arts and entertainment radio talk show highlighting local artists and culture in the Valley. The show airs live every Thursday night from 7pm-8pm on KWSS 106.7 ... Local artists, entrepreneurs, community organizations, Culture, Radio Radio Radio"

Related News:
Todd Murdock's Trinity Records & Thrash Metal band 'Losing God'

I am positive Trinity Records' network will continue to grow rapidly. This small cross-section of individuals will go down in history as those who helped the revolution begin!

Lifelong Student & Mentor

I have recently fully realized the main purpose this particular instance of my life on this earth.....
Pretty, big, thing to realize, right?
Well, here it is: I am to forever be a Student & Mentor. I have always had the thirst for knowledge and the natural inclination to console and assist others. Anyone who knows me, would most likely agree that I am a natural leader and organizer, though would equally be surprised that I would make such a bold statement.
Some good sense adages come to mind...

• "You will attract more bees with honey than vinegar"
• "Treat other as ye wilst be treated" aka The Golden Rule
• The Law of Attraction

I sometimes have to stand back and giggle a little at how easy it is to get what you want from the universe. There are a few important steps:

1. Ask for help. Be sure to express your need. But, do not demand or threaten.
2. Believe that people want to do the right thing.
3. Be a cheerleader! Encourage others that they have the power.
4. Help others often. Be careful not to stretch yourself too thin.
5. Receive graciously and gracefully. Appreciation goes a long way.

This is the mantra I sing. I may falter in my resolve from time to time. However, always come back to this foundation and reap the rewards and joy.
To illustrate by example of my adult education timeline...
2003-2006

BS in Net Tech
Collins College

2009-2012

MBA in IT, Management & Marketing @ WIU

2012-2015 (May start sooner and be concurrent with MBA)

PhD in Human and Social Dimensions of Science and Technology @ ASU

Career timeline...
1997-2004 - Odd Jobs
2004-2006 - Tech Support
2006-2009 - Programmer
2009-EOL (End of Lifetime) - Entrepreneur, Business Owner, Activist, Thinker, Leader, Visionary & Mentor/Instructor
Wow, that is a big jump in aspirations! Eureka!
All the while, I am racking up the school loan bill. Without fear, mind you. Because I trust that when the time is right, the fruit of my efforts will reap its rewards. Honestly, I envision that the bill will be paid down before I have completed my education.
So, here we go world. Are you ready?

Most Dreams....

Most Dreams fade away by the time I have finished my morning sabbatical. However, every once in a while, the dream is so consistent in theme, so vivid, so emotional, that it sticks with me much longer. Even becomes a memory, of sorts.

Last night, I had a series of dreams that explored my psyche and allowed me to express my deep emotions on a level that I haven't felt in a while. Most days I am busy being the "rock", the shoulder to cry on, the mediator & negotiator. So, it is no wonder that the deep passion that I feel about life and relationships tends to come out with such explosive force. I have become quite apt in analyzing my dreams. It isn't the individual events that occur and the minute details of the environment, but rather the emotional tout that is most important. The particular feelings that one experiences in a dream is the real "meaning" of it all.

In my case, I am struggling with a conflict: I am proud of my beauty, inside & out. However, I am distraught that somehow I am plagued with being undesired, unwanted and not worthy to be loved. At least not in the way I love. I love deeply and passionately. I give my whole self and expect the same in return. However, those I have chose in the past have either been unable or unwilling to give themselves to me completely.

There are other themes within my dreams.

I have great aspirations. I aim to save the world one magnificent act at a time and do not seek praise, but rather recognition that the act occurred. In a way that empowers others to save the world as well. So, I seek to be a humble hero with the freedom to do great things with the ultimate goal to inspire others to become heroes in their own right. Now, this translates from a fantastical, magical world in my dreams to real life where I desire to make a real difference. However, I have not yet found a the opportunity in real life to act out these worldly ideas. I expect that day to come soon and will most likely present itself as an impact on a smaller scale, yet colossal in emotional importance.

There is a third subject that is common in my dreams and presented itself again. The feeling of loss, the fear of being without ability to go where I wish. The dream is usually about my car. Either the lack of one, being in the shop or whatever. Or something is physically impossible about the vehicle which prevents me from driving it. So, I translate this to mean that I struggle against seemingly impossible obstacles to attain my most desired goals in life.

All of this is with a sense that I am confident in my greatness, my ability to shine and overcome. However, again and again, I feel defeated by others and the enclosure of "real life". The money, the things, the situations that all tie me down to an expected norm. A frustration with a deep desire to avert disappointing others and still achieve my dreams.

The only new item of interest that appeared was the inclusion of a dear friend. This someone comforted me and pointed out to me that not all was lost. This offered a new aspect to the reoccurring story, bringing light to the importance and affect this person has made on my life. Friends really do make a difference.

Lastly, I offer the notion that I am not afraid to express my emotions in real life. In fact tears are dropping at the moment as I write. I just find myself barred from expressing my passion during most of the day as it is not widely accepted to sing loudly while in line at the grocery or to go widely into discussion about the tragedy of others across the world while one is supposed to be earning their living. So, I wait. I wait for the right moment, the appropriate forum to scream from the mountaintops, to heal the world's wounds.

Depo and My Anxiety, potential hidden cause

Phew! what a long day! ;)

I just discovered something interesting that might point to a possible increased risk of the anxiety issues I have been dealing with. I have stopped taking my Depo shot (birth control). I have been off it for about 2 months and within the last month I haven't had any anxiety symptoms. Prior to stopping the depo, I was still having mild anxiety attacks even on the anxiety meds. So, I did some searching online and found lots of forums where people posted about the same circumstances. Anxiety and depression are a possible side effect of Depo. But, since I had been on it for about 5 years, I didn't think they were related. However, as I kept searching, I found several whom only starting having REAL problems after being on depo for a few years, especially if there was some sort of extra stress in thier lives that helped to trigger the episodes.

So, long story short, I am staying on the meds for a bit longer, but am seriously considering trying to wean myself off them (under Dr direction) in about another month. If all goes well and I am off the meds in a couple months, I may still never know if the Depo cause it directly. But, at this point, am pretty convinced.

Free Remote Assistance for Friends!

This is just too kewl... I haven't tried it, but it allow file transfer, which Logmein does not on the free edition. I am going to have to try this out soon. :)

Horseshoes & Wax

Day 5 was a much better day! I took a healthy 2 mile hike to Horseshoe Bend. Was a bit grueling for me, especially since I am not fit for this kind of excersize. Up and down a hill both ways with a good portion very sandy, so slow. It definitely got my heart beat up. I know now that when I do excersize, I want to do much of it outside.

It has been much colder up here than I expected it to feel and so have been staying at hotels mostly. It is getting a bit expensive and I am starting to miss the warmth of phoenix. Plus, I forgot my long johns! :)

Anyway, after the hike to Horseshoe Bend, I went on a boat tour to Antelope Canyon. Beatiful high "painted" canyon walls. The sandstone layers and sheer cliffs were spotted with flora and fauna. We saw a couple blue herons and some kayakers on the way. Took lots of pictures, of course. I will be posting them when I get back home.

I stayed at the Marble Canyon Lodge, just south of Lees Ferry. A qauint little lodge in the middle of nowhere, had an open hot roast beef sandwhich and mashed potatos, which was ok. The hotel room bed was hard, but nicely furnished with solid wood. A real cabin feel. The TV only picked up a couple channels, which was fine. Read a book anyway. Unfortunately, woke up to a cold room as the heater wasn't working well. All and all it was a good day/night.

So, I have decided to make my way home. This has been a refreshing adventure, no doubt. But, I think it has been enough, for now. I have gained courage and ambition, and a sense of self that I haven't had in a while. I am now thinking of all the wonderful things at home and feel it a sign that I make my way back. I still have a week of vacation, but plan on doing a few things in phoenix I haven't done in a while. I think I will visit the art and science museums, go on a hike (camelback/south mountains, maybe). Go see a movie... my eyes are more open to what fun I can have right at home.

The biggest lesson I have learned is how to relax, especially in times of turmoil. I have found ways to manage my stress and some new triggers to avoid. The second biggest lesson is that I now have fully realized is that there is a big world out there that I can afford to discover. Yes, it may take time and some effort, but my dreams are only goals and now I have the courage to attain them! :) I will continue to post after reaching home, as I think part of this process is also finding ways to deal with being at home, close to the stresses that started this whole ball of wax.

So, I have decided that I have had enough vacationing away from home for a while. I am going to visit a couple more

Glen Canyon, Oh! How I Love You!

All that running around really caught up with me on Day 4 caught up with me, eh?!

So much so, that after getting up, sending out emails, etc and going to the Glen Canyon Visitor center, I was tired again. Took another nap and before I knew it, it was sundown. I really need to take this trip a little more liesurely. Anyway, I thought I might try a shot at setting up camp at night. I have done it before, it's never fun, but is possible. So, I went down to the Wahweap camp ground close to the visitor center, paid the park fee ($15) and went on in to see if maybe the Dinner Cruise had left yet, only to find out that they weren't doing it except on Friday's....

So, on to the idea about camping... found that the camp registration office was closed and it was $19 to camp anyway. So, thought I might try the next camp site, Lone Rock. It had restrooms and a firepit, all I needed right? Well, what I didn't know it that if you go the wrong way, you can get stuck in the sand. So, there I am, stuck in the deep sand with my poor car, calling the park service for help. I was referred to a guy who pulls people out all the time, he came quickly, but it cost $150. Let met tell you... at this point, I was about ready to head home. But, decided to spend the night at the hotel again, which they gave me a $5 discount for staying the night before. Oh, and I also picked up some B-12 and St Johns Wort from the local Walmart. A friend noted that it might help instead of the drowsy inducing Zanax.

I think I might just go do the touristy thing today, maybe spend another night.